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But the tragic events of number 42 did not go
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unobserved by the neighbours.
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This is the
BBC
Home
Service.
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Here is the news.
The
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British invasion of
Russia ended quietly yesterday
with the unconditional surrender of
Moscow to
Lieutenant
Simon
Pring.
In
Dusseldorf, the
British pair
Nanette and
Napoleon
Hardcastle
have won everything they could
possibly have entered for.
And
British weather has been named by
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Cli mate magazine
Look at them, bloody
Catholics, filling the bloody world up with bloody
people they can't afford to bloody feed.
What are we, dear?
Protestant, and fiercely proud of it.
Why do they have so many children?
Because every time they have sexual intercourse,
they have to have a baby.
But it's the same with us,
Harry.
What do you mean?
Well, I mean, we've got two children,
and we've had sexual intercourse twice.
That's not the point.
We could have it any time we wanted.
Really?
Oh, yes.
And what's more,
because we don't believe in all that papist claptrap,
we can take precaution.
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What do you mean?
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Lock the door?
No, no. I mean,
because we are members of the
Protestant
Reformed
Church
which successfully challenged the autocratic power
of the papacy in the mid -16th century,
we can wear little rubber devices to
prevent issue.
What do you mean?
I could, if I wanted,
have sexual intercourse with you...
Oh, yes,
Harry.
And, by wearing a rubber sheath over my old fella,
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I could ensure that when I came off, you would not be impregnated.
Ooh!
That's what being a
Protestant's all about!
That's why it's the church
for me!
That's why it's the church for anyone
who respects the individual!
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And the individual's right to decide
for him or herself!
When
Martin
Luther nailed his protest up to the church door in 1517,
he may not have realised the full significance
of what he was doing!
But, 400 years later, thanks to him, my dear,
I can wear whatever I want on my
John
Thomas.
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And
Prostantism doesn't stop
at the simple condom.
Oh no, I can wear
French ticklers if I want.
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You what?
French ticklers, black mambos, crocodile ribs,
sheaths that are designed
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not only to protect,
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but also to enhance the stimulation
of sexual congress.
Have you got one?
Have I got one?
Well, no.
But I can go down the road any time I want
and walk into
Harry's and hold my head up high
and say in a loud, steady voice,
Harry, I want you to sell me
a condom.
In fact, today I think I'll have a
French tickler, for I am a
Protestant.
Well, why don't you?
But they, they cannot,
because their church never made the great
leap out of the
Middle
Ages
and the domination of alien
episcopal supremacy.
Monty Python 
