In Pacific 1860,
there was concerted
number
in which the young
ladies of the household
implored the ADC
s from Government House
to outline their official duties.
I would like to sing for you their reply,
His Excellency Regrets.
Now listen please,
I'll tell you confidentially,
How ADCs are trained in social grace.
They must be brave,
for daily they are called upon
to save His Excellency's face.
Any explanations of the duties
of an A .D .C.
prove the complications that are
rife at Government House.
Certain situations
they could never let a lady see.
There are strange vibrations
in the life at Government House.
Truth is often sac rificed
for reasons of diplomacy.
That, of course, you understand
But all the same it must be grand to be
So suave, so calm, so dignified
If you knew what all that signified
They who break the Ninth
Commandment every day
Would hang their heads in
shame and say
Forgive, we have to live
Of ficially on feet of clay
Every minute we're made to sin
It is really very depraved
But to hell with the lies we tell
His Excellency's honour
must be saved
His Excellency regrets
That owing to an attack of gout
He really dare not venture out
On Saturday to dine
His Excellency regrets
That owing to doctor's orders
He cannot attend the mission tea
And also must decline
Your kind invitation,
for Wednesday week,
A slight operation,
and poor circulation,
Combined with a weedy physique,
Has made him unable to speak.
All this in addition to what,
The doctors describe as a clot,
Which may disappear by the end of the year,
But may very possibly not,
His Ex cellency regrets,
That owing to his exalted state,
He can no more associate with
amiable brunettes,
Walk up, walk up,
we're willing to take
Take your bets,
that that's one of the principal things
His Excellency regrets.
So now you know about the
diplomatic whore,
How it can so corrupt
the soul of youth.
Imagine if someday they gave
the waiting world
A whiff of plain unvarnished truth.
His Excellency regrets
that failing a better alibi,
He must admit he'd rather die
than open your bazaar.
His Ex cellency regrets that lack
ing enough official scope
He can't disband the Band of Hope
no matter where they are
He frankly despises the people he rules
His gorge also rises when giving the prizes
At co -educational schools
to rows of illiterate fools
And if you should write in the book,
he'll give you a murderous look
For he ru ins his day to be taken away
from his rod and his line and his hook
His excellency regrets,
he hasn't enough to run the house
or pay the staff
or feed a mouse upon the pay he gets.
Hey ho, hey ho,
he's up to his ears in debts,
but that's one of the least of
the things
his excellency regrets.