キー: B major
Verse 1
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you'll pay.
I know this is right,
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and he's a delicate fellow.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I'm running for mayor of
the United States.
And if I'm elected, I'm gonna see
that you get what's coming to you,
and you got it coming.
If I'm elected, first thing I'm gonna do
is see that you have plenty of good
old ham to eat.
Yes, that's good mouth -skinning.
But you know what?
It's so high you can't afford it.
Well, I went to a restaurant today,
ordered a slice of ham,
two eggs are looking at me.
Little girl brought them out there
and the eggs was cock -eyed
and I never could eat a cock
-eyed egg.
But you know, I went on and eat it,
eat the ham and eggs,
and I went up to the cashier,
and I want you to know
that was the prettiest woman
I ever seen in my life.
I said, how much do I owe you?
She said, 3.
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Ugliest woman ever laid my eyes on.
I said, you're kind of high, ain't you?
She said, it's still 3.
She had a string of beads
around her neck.
I said, what's that around your
neck?
She said, string of beads, why?
I said, well,
everything else is high around here.
Thought maybe your dad
blamed Gardner.
Now, another thing, if I'm elected, I'm
gonna see
that every man and every woman
has an automobile in their garage. If you ain't got a garage,
I'll build one for you.
If you ain't got an automobile,
I'll steal, I'll get you one.
You can take the engine out, throw it away.
You won't have to have no more
gasoline.
The oil companies have
to go out of business
because I'm going to make all the roads
downhill.
When you get ready to go, you can go.
Of you can't come back.
Now, another thing, if I'm elected,
Men, as I stand here today,
and talk to you folks out there,
on the earth,
or wherever you may be,
I can just see your poor
old wrinkled up face.
Yes, men who put them
wrinkles there,
I'll take you, darn it,
Mr. Woman.
You say, how?
But I love the women,
I don't want you to get mad at me,
my wife is a woman.
But I'll tell you one thing,
we might as well face it, boys.
They put the wrinkles in her face,
but it wasn't their fault.
It wasn't their fault.
It was a style maker's fault.
Now, who is it goes out there
and works hard all day long?
Comes home on a Saturday night,
gives a wife her paycheck.
It's a man of a time.
What does she do?
She'll dress up and she'll hurry
downtown.
Boy, you'll see her going the other way
just a -flying.
She's going so fast,
you'll be in back of her looking at her.
Looks like two mad groundhogs
are fighting in a gunny sack
Yeah, she's heading for the store
to buy a new dress
They buy a new dress every year
And if I ain't elected,
you'll buy her another next
year
Cause they're
gonna change the style again
They're gonna make wooden
dresses next year
And boys,
I want you to know
it ain't gonna work
I'll tell you why
You say, well, they last a lifetime
Supposing there's a woman out here
walking down the street
with a dress on made out of pine wood
and a knothole fall out of it.
I don't know what you think about it,
but I say it ought to be looked into.
And if I'm elected,
I'll be the first one
to look into it for you.
Vote for me. Thank you.
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