キー: Ab major
Verse 1
You can't take anything on the plane now,
can you?
Everything's a bomb!
I mean, they really, like, they're
dead serious.
Like, you're at the metal detector,
you're oh, get down!
He's got lotion!
Like, it's lotion!
I can see if I had lotion
and a book that says how to make a bomb
C
G
out of fucking lotion, like, hey!
You were gonna do something with this,
weren't you?
Yeah, you must be the Lubridurum Bandit,
that we've all heard about. It's lotion.
C
G
Plus, how bad is a lotion bomb gonna be,
anyway?
Oh, shit!
Oh, it's fucking lotion,
all right, well.
Thanks, soft -skinned terrorist,
I like that, all right.
It's out of hand.
at the metal detector?
Really?
Is everybody a threat
to hijack the plane?
The 95 -year -old guy with the walker
is not going to hijack the plane, all right?
Trust me, we'll take care of him, all right?
If he gets out of hand with a pair of scissors,
we'll beat the shit out of that guy, all right?
We're not worried about him.
Old people are not going to hijack
the plane.
Black people are not
going to hijack the plane.
They're going to talk through the whole fucking movie,
but they're not going to kill anybody,
all right?
I didn't want to see Shrek
anyway.
I don't care. I hate to fly.
Can't take anything on the plane.
You can't take a drink now on the plane.
Cause all of a sudden everybody's
MacGyver
and can make a bomb out of
a Coke.
Everybody sit down.
You get up again,
I'm gonna take the cap off.
Everybody here's gonna get sticky.
All right, you want that to happen?
I think so. You sit down.
You know if you've flown
the past couple of years,
if you show up at the metal detector
with a Coke or whatever,
you got to throw it away.
But once you go through the metal detector,
you can buy a Coke for like 7. Yeah, for some
reason.
C
G
and 7 Cokes don't explode, all
right, thanks.
Every flight I'm on is delayed,
every one of them.
Last time I was here,
I had to fly from Cincinnati to
Columbus. delayed.
It's a 12 minute flight.
They delayed it for 90 minutes.
I'm like, you just defeated
the whole purpose of flying.
And they don't care
when you're mad at the airport.
They just mock you.
Oh, what seems to be the problem,
sir?
Oh, I'm still fucking here.
All right.
That's where the problem is.
Calm down, sir.
We're just missing
a flight attendant.
I'll push the drink cart, let's go dude,
we don't need flight attendants
a 12 minute flight.
We don't even need pilots
just drive it up 71 all right let's go
sucks
flying out of the country
is the worst.
I went to Canada
for six weeks on a tour.
Yeah, I always see ads for it.
Here's how they should advertise
Canada.
Hey, come to Canada
It's like America except it sucks.
I Would feel bad saying that because I used to think we were all
friends
what a bunch of dicks
Really? All they do is
talk shit on us.
I mean, you know,
we don't have other problems
in America does well
Cuz you don't have any people
It's one big North Dakota,
all right,
there's nobody here
We don't have all the gun violence
that you guys have,
because there's nobody to shoot.
mean, a moose doesn't
count as a homicide.
I'm sorry.
Like, they make fun of our president,
and I was like, wow, I'd make fun of your president,
but I don't know who the
fuck he is, so...
Shut up. It's weird up there,
too.
Everybody's French, which is creepy.
I'm not used to that,
people running around French.
I'm used to America,
where everybody speaks Spanish,
you know what mean?
You know, it's weird too,
because they don't look French.
They look, you know,
I don't know what French looks like,
but you know what I mean.
They don't have berets
you know?
G
They look American.
They dress American,
like there's brothers up there,
like all thugged out.
But they speak French.
Those are the dudes you're afraid of here,
How tough can you be?
Does he ever try to swell
G
up on you
at McDonald's or something?
It's a photogé in the book.
I don't want to hear that shit.
Who the hell are you scaring?
I just came from LA cuz,
all right, I'll punch you in the dick and run, all right.
I never understood this.
I never get to, I never understood why people think that if somebody knows more than one language,
that makes them smarter than
the rest of us.
Like, I call this guy an idiot.
My friend's like, oh, that
guy's not an idiot.
He speaks like seven languages.
So, if you're an idiot
and you speak seven languages,
it just means a lot more people
can understand
you're a fucking idiot, all right,
that's all it means.
You just say dumb shit in more languages.
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