キー: Ab major
Verse 1
Remember when
McDonald's was fun?
Not now. That's been ruined.
Gm
G
Can 't eat that anymore in front of anybody.
Don't you know what's in that?
Uh, goodness?
I don't know, I don't care.
It's a mouthful of fun.
And salt.
Alright, I don't care.
I'm not doing research on a sandwich.
If you pull into McDonald's,
you've pretty much decided,
fuck my 70s.
Alright, All I don't care, I'm in the mood.
I didn't come here to feel better.
That's not even real cheese.
Oh, well, it's playing a fucking part, all
right?
So if it ain't cheese,
it's cheese's stunt double.
All right, I don't care.
If it looks like cheese and it tastes like cheese,
it's fucking cheese, come on.
I have to eat fast food.
I'm a single guy, I can't cook.
I get mad if a frozen dinner's
too complicated.
I'm supposed to be able to hit buttons
and eat.
It's not supposed to be a
process.
Microwave on medium
for four and a half minutes.
Remove, stir potatoes.
Whoa, what's that stir potatoes?
What am I, Wolfgang Puck?
I'm not stirring shit.
That wasn't part of the deal, Swanson.
You should have stirred it
before you put it in the fucking box.
That's not my job.
And where the hell is medium?
Where do I find medium
on the microwave?
Wait, what, did I leave the
door cracked?
I don't know where fucking medium is.
Everybody's like that now, you know?
My friends are all so healthy. They are. They just,
you know.
Oh, it starts with what they have to drink,
too.
Like, I went to lunch
with my friend.
Coke.
He's like, oh, I have
G
water with lemon.
Fuck off. All right.
What are you, better than me
all of a sudden?
And what's the lemon
for?
The lemon doesn't make it fun,
it just means you got water with seeds
in it.
Alright, that's all it means.
And can we just, it's 2008.
Can we just have Coke and Pepsi in the
same building?
Really?
I mean, is it that big a deal?
Every time I go to a restaurant,
who would you like to drink?
Can have a Coke?
Mmm, is Pepsi okay?
Oh, is Canadian money okay?
Because no, Pepsi sucks, right?
No, it's not okay, it's never okay.
Who invented that shit anyway?
Everybody was happy
with coke, dick.
Alright, stop eating shit.
C
G
Stop having stuff nobody likes.
G
like orange popsicles.
Why do they still have orange?
Nobody likes them.
Put the grape and the cherry in
there
and seal the fucking box, alright?
Nobody likes orange.
That's what happens.
You eat the grape and the cherry
first
and all you got left is orange. Yeah.
G
buy new popsicles.
Why didn't you finish the last box?
Oh, because all we got
is punk -ass orange
for some reason.
That's why I didn't finish the last
box.
This orange sucks.
Why I'm not buying new popsicles?
Well, there goes my whole fucking summer then,
doesn't it?
That's why your lips are purple.
All right, you don't think I watch?
Yeah, I don't care.
I'm moving out.
I don't give a, I know I'm 30.
I don't give a shit.
I'm moving out, yeah.
Oh, and by the way,
look at that.
Yeah, I'll pepper spray my
mom, too.
I don't care.
Yeah, it's just, yeah, everybody is,
stop having stuff nobody likes,
stop inventing stuff nobody
needs.
Like, I don't know if
you guys watch infomercials,
but I do.
Those are great, aren't they?
I mean, I watch them all the time.
I love that they invent problems
nobody has just to solve
that problem, you know?
Like they'll be selling
like a new mop or something.
Are you tired of your old mop
I don't think it does,
but now I'm afraid that it will,
so I'm gonna call you guys.
I love them commercials, you know?
Like you ever see the
mattress commercials now?
All the new beds?
I used to like my bed!
Now I'm like, well,
what a piece of shit
you are all of a sudden.
It's a bed.
Who can't fall asleep on a bed?
I fell asleep on a fucking ladder one
time, all right?
It's not that hard to fall asleep.
People fall asleep driving
and you can't fall asleep on a bed.
Really?
oh, I can't sleep, I can't sleep,
I can't sleep.
It's because you're not tired, all right?
Go do some shit and come back,
all right?
It's not that hard to go to sleep.
I love infomercials.
I love that you get two of
everything.
We're gonna give
you a second one for free.
Cause we really gotta get rid of this shit.
We'll give you a second one
if you call in the next four minutes,
you'll get a second one.
If you call in five minutes,
we're gonna tell you
to fuck off and hang up.
But if you call in four minutes,
cause everybody
needs a second grabber.
It's one of the first grabbers at
a reach.
Hey, go get the grabber.
I can't reach him.
Well, get this fucking grabber.
What are you, an idiot?
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コードG Gm C
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